You will have it.
That moment where you dig in. Where you don’t run. Where you don’t stand down or where you do. Where you apologise or shout or are silence. Where you intervene or you don’t.
This is the peak of roleplay to my eyes. That snap second decision where you yield or dig in.
I have the pleasure, year on year, of playing with new LARPers. And every year I get to see it. Their first time where they dig deep. It is the most beautiful overcoming of self and my favourite thing to witness; when an angry man finds their calm or when a timid lass finds their voice. This year in our non combat sessions I have had the pleasure of seeing people dive into our game and hit that exact moment.
Today I saw people moved to tears by a decision. To accept the help of their rivals to make victory easy or to suffer the consequences that came with standing alone. And although some abstained from the decision no one truly was neutral.
The first time I ever lived this sensation was when my old sword teacher was charging me down. I knew I couldn’t outrun him. I could die fleeing or die fighting. I remember the way my ankles tensed. I remember blocking the first blow badly: fists clenched.
Whether it is social or physical don’t let your notion this is just a game subtract from this sensation. There are consequences to actions and when you invest in them the world gains a whole new dimension.