Just had the pleasure to read something rather moving. The final downtime of the year for Union. The epilog where we tie those last few ends together. The image before we fade to black and ask the Explorers ‘So, what becomes of you, survivors?’
A week of relative bitterness on the Larp side of things blown away in 4 pages. 
Often, more often these days, I lose sight of why this hobby is in my heart. I spend lunchtimes trawling over numbers and behind the scenes issues.  
You’d have thought it would be the system I run causing me to curse the hobby. Refereeing sure did teach me a different side of LARP.  But Union is not to blame. Oddly enough – it is the system I play most consistently I am getting most wound up about.
It is because I care. Undoubtedly. But it is not the wide eyed awe it used to be. It is a more analytic, colder view. Like forgetting to cheer at a football match because your fantasy football team is suboptimal thanks to a superb, lucky shot.
I am letting myself down in a way. I think it is time to own that fact.
It’s important to care about numbers. I need to be sharp so I can make people into really awesome things in rituals – so when I try mad hat rites I don’t hurt anyone involved – so when we charge a flank I pick just the right moment. I like to think my  heart was in the right place. I just lost sight of why I learned to play like I do: to make things more awesome.
My second mistake of late is surrounding myself with folks who I have played with for too long. We’re critical. While I like to think we provide good feedback through the right channels it is still a downer eventually. For some reason we rarely talk about the amazing or the jaw dropping. Just the tweaks we’d make. Rather than just that I think I need to speak to the fresher blood and newer friends. Their game view is alit and infectious.
So. Larp: it is not you – it is me. I am sorry for thinking it was anything else. I play you to feel. Triumph and sorrow are just as good in your arena. This weekend I have one goal, one idea and no number crunching. Looking forward to trying to tell a story again.